Trust, it's something I would have told a younger me and something I have to remind myself constantly to do. Trusting in God is simply obedience in action.
This past year has been a flood of emotions from the ever horrific and tragic news filling my feeds right alongside the sweet birth of my first born and all her very first moments these past 12 months.
I am the type of person that can easily spiral down into deep sadness. My proclivity is to feel deeply which is why I often turn inward to my thoughts of the depravity of man and feeling of hopelessness wash over me if I allow these thoughts to take up residence in my mind and heart.
"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.“-Joshua 1:8-9
There are a handful of times when I went to the dark side. I went where I usually went, deeper into my thoughts of hopelessness. It was a place I knew well, a place of 'comfort'. It was a decade of abuse, my love affair I had with depression. I wasn't one of those people who was healed instantly from it. In fact, it has taken me time and time again of God revealing things to me in my mind to reroute my path of thinking, speaking more and more truth, not giving our enemy a mouthpiece, putting action behind new revelations and changing every aspect of my life. Much of the time it was God refocusing my place of worship.
"And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
I have become foolish; you yourselves compelled me. Actually I should have been commended by you, for in no respect was I inferior to the most eminent apostles, even though I am a nobody."
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
My Place of Worship
As a wife, mother, friend I can easily begin putting my trust and hope in people. Over years and years of misplacing my hope, I have began to see the trend in my own thinking. Worship isn't something we do in a church building on Sunday morning. It is something we do daily either consciously or subconsciously. It is what we fold into our thoughts, our words and action. We do it even with the best intentions of loving and serving each other for His glory. Somehow we can slowly shift our focus and begin to make idols. Thankfully warning signals show up some how, some way....and for me it is when I begin to get depressed, rendering me useless to anyone.
Time alone with Him singing to Him with my heart is one of the most sacred places I have met Him. Psalm 96 There is nothing like it and it is where He sweeps me up protecting me from myself.
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
The take away
Everyday gets better because I am no where near where I used to be. It is layers of negative thinking but it is also choosing to be intentional in mind, body and spirit with the One who made me. When He took me on this path of healthy eating it wasn't simply for my body.
God is more holistic than the term we have.
Grounds shake, hearts break and the soil is once again tender to receive new life. How delicate the human body yet strong enough to bare the battle scars of love no matter the amount of blood shed. There's no doubt the balance of life itself is so delicate, so easily broken. But how strong is our God! What a marvelous conductor, a spectacular mastermind, a glorious engineer, a meticulous surgeon... obedience makes the most wretched beautiful.
I write all this to say, no matter your situation, there is always something to be thankful for. Stop fighting, you were not meant to take this battle alone. Throughout each deep valley of sadness, praise snapped me out of it. Really listening to the words and seeking His face, allowing myself to be held in His arms. Being crushed on the floor is where I found His strength and on to the next glory He took me.
I hope you take time to really listen to the words in the videos I posted.
Now is the perfect time to praise Him and bring your heart back to the one who made it.
In trying times, what helps bring you back to reality? What steers you towards a sound mind? Comment below!